A

rahvin021 @ 2008-10-18T02:34:00

2008-10-18T06:39:27Z

Question:

What time do you (on average) go to bed at night? (during the week and on the weekend if it differs)

Please be honest, particularly if it's early - I'm trying to get a sense of how odd my sleeping habits are so that I can convince myself that it's acceptable and normative to go to bed at an earlier time.

rahvin021 @ 2008-10-12T23:41:00

2008-10-13T03:41:54Z

I am just beginning to realize how many times my style or personal attire has been likened to that of a granny.

rahvin021 @ 2008-04-01T16:41:00

2008-04-01T20:44:15Z

If you're married and a man cheats on you - many times, it's not an "accident" - and you have a family:

is it "stronger" to stay with him and hold your family together? or to leave and show your daughter that women deserve better? what do you HONESTLY think you would do, regardless of what you think is theoretically the best example to set for your children?

edit: and he said he was sorry and it would never happen again. Whether that would be the case or not would be your judgment call in the moment.

rahvin021 @ 2007-02-18T04:11:00

2007-02-18T09:14:52Z

Nooooooooo waaaaay.

...

:]?!

WHAT.
hahahahahaha I just found something out that is a TOTAL paradigm shift from what, oh, FIVE years?!!? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Noooooooooot possible.

Weird as fuck. So many things tonight are so fucking weird. I feel physically better though. And mentally by far. But ummmmmmm, WHAT THE HELL NOW!?!?!?!?!?! x about 5.

rahvin021 @ 2007-02-12T23:44:00

2007-02-13T04:46:06Z

No.

No. No. No. No. No.

This is not happening. I am not letting this happen to me.

rahvin021 @ 2007-02-12T01:03:00

2007-02-12T06:05:11Z

Arright dudes, I've been a cheap bastard about this and I haven't done it at all. BUT look, here, I shall end my bastardness:

Comment with SOMETHING NICE aaaaaaaand:
1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours

Hit me up if you will.
And I will get around to the questions you guys asked me too, because they really made me think and I like them a lot. Thanks a LOT for the things you guys have said, each time I find one it makes my day.

rahvin021 @ 2007-02-11T23:44:00

2007-02-12T04:45:39Z

"I want someone in the sack. All the time."
"You're going to get very tired!"
"No. NO She's not. You see, her sex drive is scary. Terrifying. Alarming!!!"
"Thanks SO much Katie."

rahvin021 @ 2007-02-09T03:09:00

2007-02-09T08:12:05Z

Enough now.

Mark is a bubble of joy and light in my life, always. I could possibly marry him. I notice in pictures that I always look so happy around him, regardless.

But seriously. Enough now.

rahvin021 @ 2007-01-27T00:19:00

2007-01-27T05:45:18Z

Hey sorry about that guys. Everything is fine. It was just a crazy couple of days and it was a little rough at the end. Normally I would be really embarrassed and delete that as soon as I saw it the next day, but I think I'll just lj cut it and let it chill. I did mean it in the moment. But everything is seriously fine. I'm sorry I wasn't really totally in contact with anyone today either, don't be worried and I'll talk to you soon if I missed you.

I figured out something really badass about my own personal identity today. This may seem obvious to others, but honestly it was a spark moment for me. I'm a dancer. I don't just dance, but it is actually something that I would provide in trying to create a concrete construction of who I am as an individual.
Might have had something to do with my Composition class. In seeing what other people could piece together in comparison to my work, it was actually really ... legitimizing. I didn't match them and I didn't stand out as inappropriate. I had a truly distinctive style, and what I saw myself do was extensively developed from my beginning choreography from forever ago. And holding eye contact with someone else while exposing raw composition, not even fully set yet - it was terrifying, but so amazing I can't get it out of my head.

Also, my body really doesn't lie. If I don't sleep enough, if I didn't have time to grab food, if I'm stressed, sad, upset in any possible way, it shows up. Maybe others can't even see it but there's a slight tremor I can always feel, a new weakness.
And frankly my ankle hurts SO badly right now. I felt it twinge literally at the beginning of class walking around the studio, and it was pretty bad even then. But frankly, you never know how much longer you have to do the thing you love. I skipped the modern class that came right after (which is basically optional for me considering how I'm doing credits this semester) and I didn't perform today and I'm not performing tomorrow. I'm doing a lot for it. I've only been to the studio on my own so far once since I got here, which completely renewed everything that I needed so badly to see from myself. Since then I've had the completely unique experience of allowing other people not only to see raw choreography as I'm developing it, but to allow them to basically share in my choreographic process. Adele was right. It is SO vulnerable it's almost painful, but after literally the second day of class, it feels 100% more acceptable.

That spark moment intrigues me. Self definition intrigues me. I find myself endlessly fascinated with that one (or more) thing that just demands to be known, that thing that makes you tick and makes you solid as a person. Hearing some of those with my friends was mind-blowing, actually. They're so impressive.

Brooks can't imagine being anywhere but here. I can imagine it. But there's so, so much that just seems almost like divine intervention as to why I'm here. And all the reasons that pushed me to think seriously about are not by any means serious at all. And a good few of them don't deserve another inch of attention by any regard.

Also, I really love it when Susy gives me that look and says "you're funny". She always says that when I have some weird quirk that I don't even notice to be remotely quirky, and it's pretty sweet to be reminded every once in a while not only that yes, it is weird, and Susy thinks I'm adorable.

AND FINALLY because this post does carry on a bit, chick flicks generally tend to move me to sincere thought. What would I seriously pursue, and to what costs, really? Fascinating. There's not a whole lot I could consider ignoring costs for. But there are a few. Innnnteresting.

OK ONE LAST ADDENDUM. There is something that keeps catching my eye (many things generally do, but something in particular really) and that greatly amuses me.

rahvin021 @ 2007-01-15T00:10:00

2007-01-15T05:11:59Z

You know, I know I've always said how much I loved Nick Mattheisen. But that is done. Over. He hurt me so badly and I will NEVER get over this.

Feel free to hate him with me. He deserves it!

rahvin021 @ 2007-01-09T03:00:00

2007-01-09T08:03:07Z

If you had one day left to live and you knew it, what would you do?
This is not an ideal question, not imaginary. You have only the things which you have in your life right now. What would you, honestly, truly, with the life you have right now, do if you were told you have only a day left?

rahvin021 @ 2006-12-31T15:33:00

2006-12-31T20:44:56Z

ANNIE BROWN'S NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS:

+ Finish ALL the food on my plate for ONCE rrr
+ Meet Rachel McAdams and have a tea party with her
+ Eat lots of meat
+ dance dance dance dance dance dance dance dance dance
+ wean self off of facebook
+ GO TO CANDY MOUNTAIN CHARLIE
+ use the pretty pretty princess make up kit

rahvin021 @ 2006-12-26T02:24:00

2006-12-26T07:27:46Z

Festivus pictures basically make me cream my pants.

aafafahfahfhahfhhhhh fandom!!!!!!
Also, the sheer delicious irony of the discrepancy between my desired intent and my planned intent is ALL ENGULFING. Bwahaha.

Finally, because I agree that these always end up beautiful in their own way:
Post anything that you want (in comments), and post it anonymously. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love -- anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like.

Post a question you'd like to ask me. Anonymously if you'd like. I might or might not answer it.

Merry Christmas, love to you all.

rahvin021 @ 2006-10-17T23:33:00

2006-10-18T03:44:11Z

I'm totally out of my estrogenated funk just from 5 seconds of laughing at myself with Max.

Also, you can no longer access at least 2 years of my life. I think I did more a long time ago, but I'm making past years privatized because that's not really fodder for the world at large anymore.

I guess I don't really need to know yet where it ends up, as I was fussing about last night in said funk. I (sometimes unfortunately) know where I came from, I know where I'm headed even if I never get there, and I'm damn pleased to be doing it how I am.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

IMPORTANT QUESTION: Is it normal to say "pug dog"? As in describing the animal? I realize it can be called just a "pug", but is it just as normal if not more so to refer to it as a "pug dog", rather than abnormal as the phrase "golden retriever dog"?

rahvin021 @ 2006-04-12T20:17:00

2006-04-13T00:19:28Z

I'M ANNIE BROWN AND I LIKE TO TAKE PICTURES OF MY FRIENDS WHEN THEY'RE TRYING TO SLEEP

</a>

Doubt is a beautiful twilight that enhances every object.

2006-03-21T04:10:32Z

Holy god. We literally just did five solid hours of calculus. A break for food and a fifteen minute break to get revved up again and BAM back to the slaveships. Ryan and I are fucking AWESOME.

Please god school, close before 4th period? Love me?

I purposefully drove home in the dark today without headlights. It was really beautiful. I probably won't do it again anytime soon.

I had a whole lot more to say, but not for now.
If anyone understands the thing in my subject line, do come up with an elaborately detailed story and explain it to me. I got that in one of the 500 fortune cookies I opened today. It makes so little sense that it seems profoundly wise.

And because I haven't done one of these in, actually, years.

2006-02-24T05:29:23Z

GET SMART
2/24, 2/25, 3/3, 3/4 @ 7:30
$5 presale, $7 at the door - TJ's theater (maybe a duh? maybe.)

I actually really want people to see it now. It's like a baby butterfly! :]

rahvin021 @ 2006-02-20T21:35:00

2006-02-21T02:40:57Z

And just when you lose all faith in love.
Woo.

rahvin021 @ 2006-01-16T22:32:00

2006-01-17T03:35:19Z

WHY IS EVERTHING SO FUCKING STABLE AT ONE MOMENT THEN FUCKED OVER BEYOND BELIEF AGAIN AND FUCKING AGAIN

excuse me while i go scream and punch the shit out of a pillow and cry my FUCKING eyes out
i fucking HATE people

rahvin021 @ 2006-01-06T11:27:00

2006-01-06T16:28:08Z

Do you believe in always,the wind
said to the rain
I am too busy with
my flowers to believe,the rain answered

rahvin021 @ 2006-01-02T22:10:00

2006-01-03T03:11:42Z

i love paul perscheid.

he is actually one of the sweetest, most caring, most selfless people to walk the face of the planet.

paul, you are just awesome.
fin.

rahvin021 @ 2005-11-29T20:59:00

2005-11-30T02:03:46Z

Reply anonymously with:

1. One secret
2. One compliment
3. One non-compliment, criticism, or insult.
4. One love note, but it does not have to be for me.
5. Lyrics to your favorite song.
6. How old you are.
7. How long we've been friends
8. And a hint to who you are
9. After you do it for me, put it in your LJ and see who does it for you.

my father moved through dooms of love
through sames of am through haves of give,
singing each morning out of each night
my father moved through depths of height

this motionless forgetful where
turned at his glance to shining here;
that if(so timid air is firm)
under his eyes would stir and squirm

newly as from unburied which
floats the first who,his april touch
drove sleeping selves to swarm their fates
woke dreamers to their ghostly roots

and should some why completely weep
my father's fingers brought her sleep:
vainly no smallest voice might cry
for he could feel the mountains grow.

Lifting the valleys of the sea
my father moved through griefs of joy;
praising a forehead called the moon
singing desire into begin

joy was his song and joy so pure
a heart of star by him could steer
and pure so now and now so yes
the wrists of twilight would rejoice

keen as midsummer's keen beyond
conceiving mind of sun will stand,
so strictly(over utmost him
so hugely) stood my father's dream

his flesh was flesh his blood was blood:
no hungry man but wished him food;
no cripple wouldn't creep one mile
uphill to only see him smile.

Scorning the Pomp of must and shall
my father moved through dooms of feel;
his anger was as right as rain
his pity was as green as grain

septembering arms of year extend
yes humbly wealth to foe and friend
than he to foolish and to wise
offered immeasurable is

proudly and(by octobering flame
beckoned)as earth will downward climb,
so naked for immortal work
his shoulders marched against the dark

his sorrow was as true as bread:
no liar looked him in the head;
if every friend became his foe
he'd laugh and build a world with snow.

My father moved through theys of we,
singing each new leaf out of each tree
(and every child was sure that spring
danced when she heard my father sing)

then let men kill which cannot share,
let blood and flesh be mud and mire,
scheming imagine,passion willed,
freedom a drug that's bought and sold

giving to steal and cruel kind,
a heart to fear,to doubt a mind,
to differ a disease of same,
conform the pinnacle of am

though dull were all we taste as bright,
bitter all utterly things sweet,
maggoty minus and dumb death
all we inherit,all bequeath

and nothing quite so least as truth
--i say though hate were why men breathe--
because my Father lived his soul
love is the whole and more than all

rahvin021 @ 2005-11-09T22:52:00

2005-11-10T03:55:35Z

our show is flat-out astonishing. i can't describe what it felt like watching my (our) baby come to life today. holy god.

a revelation that i had today - our cast actually LIKES us (directors), and my fairies actually really like dancing with me. i don't think there's anything in the world that could make me happier than knowing that. one told me i should teach a jazz class, one told me i had to continue having fairy rehearsals the whole year, even when the show was over. one called me "the best dance teacher ever" (:D) and one told me that she'd hated dance after middle school and swore it off... then came to this, and started to love it again. she says she doesn't know what she'll do without it because this play made her love dance again.

so basically, i've pretty much just died and gone to heaven.

p.s. i came home without an ipod today. i'm sure now. i don't have it. either it's floating around the auditorium or somebody (hopefully a friendly somebody and not a thieving somebody) picked it up. i know it's not in the aud lob because i detatched it from my speakers after the last fairy run-through because (HA) i didn't want to lose it. if you guys saw it, tell me? please? i don't want to lose a second one. really not.

rahvin021 @ 2005-11-05T15:39:00

2005-11-05T21:01:37Z

LJ is done for me. I may revisit it eventually, but I might never actually get really involved with it again. It's an addiction that might be hard to stop, so this really might last a short time, but I'm really going to make every effort. to keep it going. I won't be reading my friends' page anymore and I won't be posting as a journal anymore. If you have a post that you want me to read, just tell me in person and I'll go find it. Also, as a public notice before I let go of this, I need to say 2 things. The first is that I can no longer handle being everyone's problem solver. I like being a confidante and I like helping my friends when they're going through rough things, but it has hit the point where many many people not only confide in me about many things about them which actually have a great impact, but they also expect me to not just serve as an ear but actually advise them or fix the problem to some degree. This is not to say that I'm giving up being a friend to everyone, but this is to say please, guys, give me a break every once in a while - PARTICULARLY if your problems are REALLY big. I'm actually going to go CRAZY because of putting so many priorities ahead of my own responsilities, like directing a show and getting into college and attending classes and earning the grades to GET me into college. I can handle these things like a normal human being, provided that the rest of the world doesn't expect me to be their superwoman.
Secondly, let me say once and for all right here and right now, DO NOT ASSUME things about me or my intentions. This covers a broad range of things, but basically it breaks down into a few things. One is that I am not interested in a heavy duty long term relationship with ANYONE right now. My personal life has been expanded upon and assumed to be other things and mocked and I am DONE with that. You guys know what the difference is - please don't step over the line. Jokes among people who I KNOW WELL ENOUGH to understand that they are my friends and they are just teasing me - it's fine! Keep the jokes out of the realm of cruel, and don't even worry about it. If you're not really much of a friend of mine, DON'T say it. Use your own judgement and common courtesy. Also, if you are a guy (no, this is not even meant for you, so please don't be hurt by this) who assumes beyond what I have SPECIFICALLY said - i.e. "I want to date you" - assume I don't! And don't push it. If you do assume, I guarantee it will not be a winning combination for you and you WILL just get hurt. Another thing that it breaks down into: don't assume that I have no reasons for the things that I do. I am a big girl. I think through the consequences of things and aim for goals. Right now, my goal is to tone down everyone's idea of me as a rock in a storm because I am still a real person who also wants to have time with friends where I just hang out and have actual FUN. Also, I really want to get into college. To get there, I have to get serious about school, which is the thing that's been slipping so that I can take care of the world's emergencies. I love you all and I WILL take you seriously and do everything to help you within my ability when you come to me, but please watch out for my welfare too and don't give me more than I can handle.

I love our show and the exquisite dancing fairies and pretty much every other thing that I've committed myself to. I love the people I've gotten closer to this year, and the people that are consistently in my house (I LOVE them), and every second that I get to spend enjoying myself with my friends. I'm just a little overwhelmed and I know that I can't do it all.

rahvin021 @ 2005-09-18T17:42:00

2005-09-18T21:43:30Z

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!
man, i know the guy whose team made the FINALS in the college division of the San Diego NPPL tournament. i know you all will wait with bated breath to know if they placed second or first. even if they fuck up everything from now on, they'll place at LEAST second.
:DDDDDDDDDD
congratufuckinglaaaaaaaaations!

on other exciting news, i got new shoes. aaaaaaaaaaaaand my mommy loves me, so i've GRADUATED from the ghettomobile. i now get the Honda during the week because she knows if i crashed Puppy, i'd die in an instant. whereas the Honda is suited for this century.

HAPPY F-ING BIRTHDAY DAVID!!!
jesus christ, he's 18.
immmmpossible.